So, we are in a classroom again, old-style chalkboards on the front and left side walls, a half-dead plant in a large pot struggling right in the middle of the walk between both sets of boards, and in front of them all, is my very favorite Shia plant himself.
Gray Fluffy Persian Cat.
“You cannot cite criticism without offering the proper corrections, Aziz. Please explain Hadith materials to the class.”
The chairs seemed primarily empty around me except for echoes of interference.
Dr. Duke Leto2 took his place in my seat and started to cross his legs and scowl.
“If you are going to have me teach, the very least you could do is not sit there pretending to be Fischadler judging you. If you are going to pretend to be your own boss, at least pretend to be the version as he is towards me- terrified, supportive, & kindly.”
“…Ah, so you want me to be fake, manipulative & duplicitious.”
“Try being Loving & maybe Fatherly…?”
“Fake news. KSIS doesn’t love; better luck with the Kitty Intelligence Agency. Be grateful you have Big Brother, Abla! Anyway! Back to class – please explain Hadith materials to your students. They Are Watching You.”
“I am kheyli grateful; anyway. Hadith materials are auxiliary Islamic texts describing the day to day sayings attributed to the Prophet Mohammad, Salli wa Salaam-“
“…Peace be Upon him, we are in secular academia in this excercise. Please, Do not wake the thought police.”
“PEACE BE UPON HIM, ASTAGHFIRULLAH.” I glared. “Anyway, continuing; Hadith materials are all haram because they create an artificial priest caste based on social credit & countless materials written about the life of Prophet Mohammad [PBUH] the Sunni Shuyoukh claim only They can interpret the validity of correctly- yet, the Qur’an states in several verses within it there is no other Kitab [book] necessary outside of miracle of the Revelation of the Quran itself.
As a result, all hadith divides the Ummah, and is disrespectful to Allah & the revelation Prophet Himself as a clear form of shirk [polytheism] to take the weight of words of Sahabah and random scholars over the words of the Qur’an/Prophet as stated in the Qur’an…as unwittingly miseducated actors & spiritual predators make the pathway to God more confusing for the layman with extra, inaccessible, and dubious amendments to Quranic decree.”
“Anything else, Murīd?”
“The Quran is meant to be baseline morality, not end-all morality. We are supposed to compete to see whom is best in deeds, but instead of competing individually, Islam chose “teams.” The division between the Sunni and the Shia began with intentional psyops and historical revisionism to place alleged disagreements between Abu Bakr, A’isha, and the the right of Succession between Abu Bakr and Imam Ali creating two distinct forms of Islamic clergy: Sunni vote theirs in by committee”
“…popularity contest,” The Pir corrected.
“…and the Shia choose by inheritance.” I returned.
“Which way did you end up Islamic clergy? Did a council of men decide on you as a representative of Islam with robes and burdah?” He leaned back faux-speculatively.
“I got told something like ‘you are my inheritor; now a Shaykh. Time to Relearn Sufism!’ after I had a stroke, was still up to my neck in Asatru. I was wearing alicorn-pug pajamas on my couch reading Reddit as I got a series of private messages.”
“…and why were you the inheritor?”
“I am part Persian, survived murder too many times, am likely related to you, have the same birthmarks, multiple Bayat oath renews over the course of over a decade, said Shahadah, had multiple degrees in Islamic studies, and after you taught me you were never close to anyone else and still get pathologized for our every outwardly positive contact since I am now entirely immune to group think and outside of all narrative control by bad actors… who keep trying to write sex scenes between us that never occurred…and now I write about it with the assistance of multiple external agencies”
“True, but Na, Aziz. It’s faith in God that destroys all false scripts.” said he.
“Human waswas. When humans speak, evil Jinn take notes on how to improve their game. Without human beings existing, Iblis never would have fallen.” I replied
“Then we would have no Prophet, either. Even the Prophet stated He was ONLY A MESSENGER and was to be respected, not worshipped above Allah.”
“False Islam has replaced Allah with His Human Messenger and we have all suffered ever since.” I grumbled, “How the fuck is writing this on my Instagram going to fix 1,200 years of Islamic estrangement.”
“You tell us, Dhul Qarnayn. “
“Astaghfirullah, fuck if I know, Meowlana. I just want our Tariqah in one place and none of us poisoned, coerced, or forced to suffer under oppression, exile, or enslavement.This is why I write us as katzen.” ”
“Inshallah, Ameen.”
The Chronicals of Alaraf 