There was a new Russian blue Persian cat pacing campus grounds, or rather, an elder whose presence implied jurisdiction without ever claiming it. However. He walked gracefully, entirely on his hind legs, dressed as a man of great dignity, in a fine dark grey suit tailored perfectly, while also wearing a hat even smarter than… Read more

    “I demand a new office. I can not stand for this constant crowding and harassment. I did not place four cuckoo clocks in my office, I can not remove them, and they will not be silenced.” Duke Leto was frustratingly insistent on the matter of his office, yet conspicuously silent on any issue of… Read more

Master Holler slid his credentials across the desk in a fine leather single-fold for Duke Leto to examine. He arrived as a white cat at first, wearing boots, the sunbeam from Duke’s window tipping each whisker in translucent golden light. “Must we meet like this?” asked Duke. “Of course not,” stated Holler, who promptly changed… Read more

Ruh felt overwhelmed by everyone and retired to the tower he had avoided for months since his partner was captured. It was still perfect. The cleaning staff did not notice he had returned. The tuna fish and Aquafina remained, frequently and silently refilled, unchanged. What had changed was the fox plushie. It was just slightly… Read more

    [Guest post via ‘United Kittydom’] The morning after the Nor’easter, Alaraf did not hold an emergency meeting. That alone was how everyone knew something had changed. Classes resumed on schedule. The heating grates were warm. The radios stayed quiet due to remaining on safe VPN nodes. Officer Reichhörnchen checked the locks and drank his… Read more

It was 2:32 AM when Ruh rolled themselves up in their blue, human-sized cerulean scarf and made the long trek across the frosty campus to the Mango Office. The radio still played endless distress calls without mitigation at the “Tangerine to Autumn Red” color level of alert. (We had to get to at least “Cherry… Read more

Duke Leto2 was the first to crack. From this point forward, the hope was that any cracking would bend toward greater enlightenment. An emergency meeting was called by everyone who reported to him, willingly or not. Wolfe shouted back on the same radio frequency as Fischadler’s distress signals, only louder and in Deutsch. Dr. Whispurrs… Read more

…Ruh clearly did not want to be Zahir’s first CoffeeKitty conference. Ruh had a cup that was mostly lactose-free whipped cream, some chocolate chips, and maybe chai for added moisture. Zahir had a cappuccino. Garrett Butler of the Mangoes had a mango smoothie he was forced to pay full price for. Ruh was plopped on… Read more

   It had only been a few weeks at the top of the platform at the crown of the Yggdrasil. The enormous, multi-winged blue simorgh-tiger had fallen ill, gone back on Diamox, and then, with talons greater than his own, was unceremoniously plunked at the bottom of the platform, just below the angry “FOR SALE”… Read more

Chaplain Zahir did not notice at first when fewer kitties appeared in his office, holding their problems in their paws for him to solve. He noticed more writing time, more time for his paw-cast, “Kittycat Coffee Al Kahfi,” and more time editing Mr. Mango content for YouTube. He did not immediately notice the decline in… Read more

Bird was on campus when he noticed Kafka angrily feeding the squirrels chicken tenders from the university café.       “Man, if you aren’t going to eat those- not all of us have Tenure for just showing up. I just had a spit roasted rat for breakfast with homemade potato chips.”        ‘That’s actually metal.” Replied… Read more

In one of the many rooms previously used to show college students and cats (often the same thing) beheading videos, mass graves of festering corpses, and other execution methods, as “concerned faculty” monitored tolerance thresholds illegally through one-way glass, while charging students for the privilege. …Duke Leto knew exactly which building he was teaching from… Read more

It was quickly discovered that Ombudsman Butler could silence radio by entering any room after the alerts from Fischadler were downgraded to a steady code orange: as in ‘prepare for possible/pending crisis.’       Wolfe was surprised when he heard Mr. Butler whisper “Thank you for letting me carry you for a while” to the exhausted… Read more

Necessary Correction It was six-thirty in the morning when the kitties of Alaraf stirred for Fajr. Ruh, though still sore, was otherwise healthy in body and mind—but not in heart. Duke Leto II had spent the early hours reading through a manuscript he had found folded behind the fourth wall of his office: a story… Read more

…announced Kek to Professor Kafka.     “I saw you eating Baron’s Sushi & feeding the squirrels.  That is tacit admission of Sufi Ombudsman Apprenticeship,” Kek was a blonde catboy today, with fluffy golden ears, paws, and a jingle collar.       “I am not an Ombudsman, Mr. Mangoes got the job,” Kafka replied, trying to walk… Read more

In Sroasha’s office, Rob was holding a tattered copy of a book titled ‘The Peregrine & The Fishhawk: The Real Radio Logs of Two Poisoned Operators.”  He read outloud: “September 15. Fishhawk is panicked, pinging my UHF each time they inject him with Versed. All I can do is listen and keep dhikr, Boss.” “September… Read more

Now was not the time to be under the medicative influence of a moxy Clockwork-orange flavoured, liquid live-resin THC diamond vape, nor the matching catnip kitty treats for Osprey. They made it inside Shady Maple okay enough; Rob Reichhörnchen actually remembered his blue disability tag, so parking was within the first mile of the entrance,… Read more

Rob Reichhörnchen’s pickup truck was in terrible shape, but it could still drag a few cats from XmasTown to Mount Penn. The cabin was eerily quiet. No radio. No chatter. Rob drove in silence while Baron held Ibn Arabi on his lap, the cat wearing a radio collar for his safety. Ibn Arabi still refused… Read more

Kafka arrived at Alaraf on his own two legs.Like heck he was going to expose his pawpads so soon: his dad had vaguely said they were “cleaning up the Muslim problem from before,” and Kafka expected two Muslims he desperately wanted to avoid, not a college of Tasawwuf-trained, traumatized combat veterans teaching classes and trying… Read more

As part of the college restructuring faculty from prior to the kitty-torture were contacted and offered positions of higher prestige and pay, with comprehensive benefits and European- structured holidays with optional travel to “anywhere but here”…with stipend, family included, for the duration of said vacation/holiday with guaranteed return ticket.         Anyway.   There once was a… Read more

     Wolf D’Artagnan used to be a pop star, but he had since retired to a lazy security job at a college full of shape-shifting, vaguely Muslim Katzen.      That did not stop his brother from taping a life-size “VampenWölfe” promo over the back of the door to his office. He debated keeping it precisely… Read more

Officer Reichhörnchen was home reading the most recent manuscript sent ‘anonymously’ to his own clowder.      Fylgia stretched across his entire lap, forcing his sixteen other cats to arrange themselves like furry bon-bons loafed on top and around both officer Reichhörnchen and commanding officer Flygia.        “Okay, meine kleinen distlekatzen- Uncle Rob will read to… Read more

“…So, anyway. I went to Afghanistan after I was brutally rejected, estranged, and gaslit by endless fake profiles saying ‘ashaghatam’ & ‘astaghfirullah’ intermittently….I figured I only loved him because he was novelty, so if I went to the source I would either find another autistic combat medic with fewer dark-triad traits, or find the man… Read more

     Bird had long since changed back into a cat and wandered into the library, knowing, for once, it would be entirely unoccupied. College Administration remained at the bonfire in their field, so it was only fair if he slept in their spots in subtle revenge. Bird found his place beside the heating grate, curled… Read more

Ibn Arabi was exhausted, & Cold.  Very, Very Cold.  he had asked Bird in human form to make him handsome, and he ended up looking like a panther.       Which was handsome, but not particularly Persian nor suitable for winter climate as everyone else grew extra fluffy.     It was too cold for the library… Read more

Of all the Persians on campus, Yasamin was the most ginger and most angry. In full catform she was a majestic mess of copper curls, with a briefcase, and lawyer notes.       She also remained the primary alumni donor to Sorority Sigma Omega, the Superior half of the pair of Greek Organizational Structure, the other… Read more

The change in Ibn Arabi was dramatic, after somehow finding himself shorn down to a short, slick grey-black sinuousness.     In “real life”, the seldom seen College vice-president, Duke Leto2 [President being Shah Leto the First of His Name, President of Alaraf, Totally not a recovered Iranian Gangster in Academia] was actually wearing matching clothing,… Read more

     There was no good way to explain betrayal simply in a way that maintained good feeling, so he settled on telling his charge he was poisoned, which was also true.      The Amtrak was steady and far less stress than driving, flying, or worse, taking the bus- and ‘Hawk was stable-enough in chelation that… Read more

“Dear Dr. Lauper,      One PhD? Really?  That’s it? I’m surprised you didn’t take the Faculty review hostage at your defense and steal their degrees for their weakness. Next time, more blood, less talk.  Mead later. Skål! -Krahe BTW, did you Cherokee of Tahlequah look exactly like the PA Dutch?  They closed Tsa-la-gi, which sucks.… Read more

Muezza had a plan. A brilliant plan. A flawless plan. A plan with absolutely no potential for catastrophic metaphysical consequences whatsoever. He wanted to impress Calico. Not with acrobatics (Calico had already stated bluntly: “You’re shaped like a mango. Stop trying to fly.”) Not with hunting (Calico once caught a pigeon mid-flight using only a… Read more

Officer Reichhörnchen did not walk so much as materialized at the edge of the rooftop, the way old operators do when they’ve spent too many decades refusing to announce themselves like reasonable people. His Fylgia — a heavy, stone-quiet bobcat with fur like scorched autumn leaves — padded beside him, tail flicking in that unimpressed… Read more

   Muezza really loved his new hat he obtained from campus security.  Everyone wanted to take pictures of him and pose.  He loved the hat, but kinda hates the attention of hearing “BAD BOYS BAD BOYS! WATCHA GONNA DOOO WATCHA GONNA DOOO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU” ….Then, in his head, it started looping.     … Read more

      Despite looking nearly identical to Muezza except in colouring, Bird was not naturally Manx.  His tail was flat out amputated to make him intentionally resemble Muezza more, however, the unexpected result to the humans is Bird lost all Tameness and could snap on anyone at anytime, especially after his only kitten, Sunshine, was assigned… Read more

‘Sraosha and the Drawer’ Guest post by ‘Aurelion’ The problem with being a Pallas Cat named Sraosha is that everyone—including the Dean, the students, and the unfortunate human beings who believed themselves in charge—assumed he would remain perched quietly in his enclosure near the football field, contemplating the cosmos like a furry Bodhisattva with whiskers.… Read more

   It was kitten season on campus, & the Dean had purchased dozens of fresh metal traps filled with fancy feast paté, purified water, and crunchy bits shielded from rain, Kindly, with fine umbrella fabric to catch every stupid kitten.   [Surely little kittens are totally not traumatized in small cages removed from their cat… Read more

Muezza and the Calico had gotten into quite a disagreement prior to sharing shelter in the alcove in the stone library non-cats could not and would not access.         First of all, Muezza was more commonly known by human beings as “Orange Dreamsicle” and his beautiful kittens were seen as the ultimate sign of alumni… Read more

The old man tried to lock the calico in his tuna drawer again so he was back hiding with his fluffy gray friend in the back of the library again.       “Haha,” said the human beings, “They are grooming each other”        …and the cats simply sneered at you in feline contempt as they studiously… Read more

“Are you sure you want him at your left hand…?” asked my Meowlana, the combat medic-chaplain, after debriefing & handing over my notes      “Molana, I don’t have a choice, he swore bayat; I fail to understand his version of our religion in the slightest, but I love him.  I thought we were Muslims, and… Read more

My Godson has the same dreams I once had when I was his age, and I could not be more proud of him.     On account of those dreams, he became a soldier of the night, in darkness rescuing the lost and broken from collapsing structures, like a scent dog, he and his team infiltrate,… Read more

   I had just visited Uwayse cat, a dead fed & almost religious-leader-  in the office I saw once in my dreams.  The thin strips of varigated warm amber-toned wood, floor the ceiling.  How the closet was open next to the entrance door.  The three hanging kitty cat robes within, just the same as 2021,… Read more

Asalaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi wa barakātuh, To the one  I love most,Whom sees the titlesan insult…when applied to Himself. Surprisingly, I seek your equality- however,you cannot be followed while surrounded by hypocrites who place intercessors between humans and Allah. You think “love” is soft words, smiling pleasantly, and making people feel “good” in your company.… Read more

   “Teacher, your Muslim prayer thingy is going off again, don’t you need to pray?” …So he picked up his phone and silenced the Adhan.      “Every moment should be an act of prayer.”       “…But why aren’t you setting up the rug and doing the motions like other Muslims do?”       “Because I was… Read more

After seeding, the clouds turned a sickening yellow and the small calico scurried under the broken corner to find their friend, the fluffy gray cat, on his frayed edge of carpet between the human wall and the outside stones. Heat arrived in waves from the uncovered bit of metal grate against the back of the… Read more

“I do not listen to the chaplain, but I listen to Zahir,” said the little calico cat,  “You look less than Muezza than I thought you would, Lion.” with a tail flick.        They were at the edge of a large, muddy field, Bird remained back in the library along with Ibn Arabi [Schopenhauer], Zahir,… Read more

“Honesty,” he stated, a puss in boots half-way into the mud, “Is the only policy in the face of tyrany. We can try to build bridges with words, but what happens when politeness and civility is weaponized?”      “Ah, the old trap- ‘I refuse to observe nor treat the wound because the sight of blood… Read more

So, we are in a classroom again, old-style chalkboards on the front and left side walls, a half-dead plant in a large pot struggling right in the middle of the walk between both sets of boards, and in front of them all, is my very favorite Shia plant himself.     Gray Fluffy Persian Cat.       … Read more

“Failure,” said the elder to the younger, lockstep beside him, “Never has any Pussycat Pir failed in quite the same way as you.”        “…Pardon?”  said the younger, hair freshly dyed  battle-of-Badr black, “I spent the entirety of the day with you and in debrief with a local Ops. When I was not with you,… Read more

“Each time you renew an Oath, it reshapes and reforms/deforms the relationship in which that Oath was created; A pillar that remains even if you never disclosed it in a thousand lectures, nor even knew it was “Real” until Allah asked you to fulfill it.” Taught the grey fluffy cat, without tripping over a plant.… Read more

Kafka found this on the bottom of his feed: “Both Sides of Death.” [read the title] از من پرسیده شد «چی می‌خوای؟» من جواب دادم «می‌خواهم به مولانای خودم برگردم.» مرگ به من نگاه کرد و آهی کشید مرگ به من پاسخ داد «کاش از من پول، شهرت یا قدرت می‌خواستی» من جواب دادم، «آن‌ها… Read more

The very first thing she & the Woodsman noticed was the nails- sharp and polished – as they elegantly removed various foods from the basket. The fingers are long and darkly graceful       They wore red, ornately, like a Duke or Prince, but darkly ostentatious.  The jars clinked on the counter in unnervingly perfect rhythm… Read more

I met a second idiot on the highway Sirat.      “I am a SLAVE,” he exclaimed. “Therefore, I am not responsible for my own actions as well as the greatest of living Saints!”      “That’s nice, John.  I’m trying to return to my loved ones.”       “Call me Garrett, and I declare myself your Pir.”… Read more

My heart went cold as he excitedly showed the video of the Persian graduate student playing Paganini,    “This could be you,”     “Funny, he doesn’t look like a 30 year old undergraduate with cancer three co-majors, a thesis, and zero family as I crash in the library some night to avoid sleeping in my… Read more

The Muslims noticed first. A particular vibration ‘like stars or spikes’ three notes, hapatic feedback. It started like a lottery no one entered. A completely unredacted international federal file on each conscious human, laid bare like sheep after razor, and the entire phone locked until it was read in full.      There were three types,… Read more

We met for tea daily, partially because I feared he would leave and never return.      I reminded myself “same river, closer to the source” and reminded myself whatever I felt was likely small and trite compared to greater sensitivities I had not yet developed.        I protect privacy, sometimes, by writing about myself.  I… Read more

“I thought a change of venue would be nice,” stated Cat, today his accent was English.  “We do not have much time to speak, we need to continue the cat stories- they are more effective than missives”    I simply sighed.  I described the dinner, he provided the pre-supper drama.  I ordered a Halal cheesesteak… Read more

The Kitty SIS maintains full spectrum on boarding techniques for Catnadian’s seeking Agency.       Kitty SIS is still deciding whether or not they wish full responsibility, honor, or liability for a dream or protected service proposal involving cats in academia, Islam, Asatru, Discordianism, radio, and espionage, but nothing can be proven or disproven except outcomes.… Read more

Personal responsibility is a bitch.      And there I was, after my stroke, after I broke my hourglass on the floor and found Rob poisoned online with the same symptoms I committed to die from until I screamed at YouTube “WHAT THE FUCK ROB, YOU NEVER HURT ANYONE-  WHO THE FUCK WOULD POISON YOU, FOR… Read more

An elder gray Tomcat neatly grabbed the younger calico by the scruff and vanished into the invisible den under the corner of the building which lead to a neatly carpeted alcove between the wall and basement window.       Although much smaller, and slightly fluffy, he did not compare to all the varieties of silver, grey… Read more

Above all, he was beautiful & sharp. “For us both to survive this, I need you to recognize me no matter what form I wear,” And I agreed, his lines were jackal-smooth.       Next time I saw him he was blond.      “I no longer care for my prior form, I find it disappointing &… Read more

I remember the last Intelligence War, How I awoke in dreams. To the wars, the bombs,the fires, the wreckage, poisoned and safe under a sheild of owl- soft lavender-slate gray wings raised by a dark, stressed & belabored soul in black. I was too injured to move far at the time- but I curled closest… Read more

“There are no Sabre-toothed tigers in Islam,” stated the scholar, with great self righteous assurance.     “Well, it seems you need to revise that premise,” replied the sabre-toothed tiger sitting pertly between the columns, tail thumping quite impertinently, “It seems Islam has sabre-toothed tigers”     “Are there not Sabre-toothed tiger religions for your kind?” inquired… Read more

A self-proclaimed great man invited himself to comment on the state of faith & sanity of a Fakyr he never met.     When he arrived at the Fakyr’s home with his full regalia, limousine and driver, and every possible Islamic credential….      …He was turned away.      “I don’t watch television and do not know… Read more

    “Please, be my friend,” said Leo, whom did not live up to his name, the black and white cat.     He was not quite a tuxedo, however, the most remarkable thing about him was his very slight resemblance to the actual school mascot, an allegedly temperamental Pallas Cat named Sraosha, kept entirely near the… Read more

ViaThree Rivers RaidhoThe Dancing Boy Written byAlexei Romanov Pahlavi   Rarely, did Amerikan Shuyoukh ever have the privilege of entering Iran & Afghanistan.  However, for you, receiving  that invitation was a matter of natural progression.       You flew via Emirites, first class suite, and even lead prayer for other first class passengers as the flight… Read more

From:Three Rivers RaidhoCat Sheikh. Written by Alexei Romanov Pahlavi Here is the entirety of all the cat stories I have written thus far- the origination was literally a dream from several years ago and a chalkboard drawing “of a normal cat with a normal name” so long ago Harambe was still living. Enjoy the following… Read more

Abstract:This ongoing series uses speculative allegory to examine how institutions manage harm, responsibility, and truth. Through recurring animal figures, administrative settings, and broadcast metaphors, the work explores how suffering is often reclassified as “narrative,” “human resources,” or “creative output” to avoid accountability.Rather than offering heroic resolution, the stories emphasize care, documentation, and refusal. They ask… Read more